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Jokes

Man Overboard

Well-Known Member
Putin visited a pig farm and was photographed there. In the Pravda office, a discussion is underway about how to caption the picture. “President Putin among pigs,” “President Putin and pigs,” and “Pigs surround President Putin” are all rejected as politically offensive. Finally, the editor announces his decision: “Third from left – President Putin.”
 

Man Overboard

Well-Known Member
A Russian farmer visiting Moscow parked his truck outside the Kremlin. A police officer said "You cant park here. This is the Kremlin". The farmer says "That's OK I'll take the key with me".
 

midfielder

Well-Known Member
The pope is in Australia handing out miracles to kids in Newcastle. Billy walks on stage and asks him “can you help me with my hearing”?

The pope says “yes” and puts his hands on Billy’s ears and prays, he removes his hands and says “how is your hearing now”?

Billy says “I don’t know, it’s not until next Wednesday”….
 

midfielder

Well-Known Member
You need to understand this the history of gummy bears in the US... they for a fair while caused massive toilet issues.... many on planes and places you need a toilet in a hurry.

This link is one such story .... its quite long.... but well worth the read....

enjoy...

 

midfielder

Well-Known Member
Not a joke but I was watching a youtube on the Darwin awards and while normally given to people who have died they extented this list to people who made themselves infertile so they could not bred...

AnyWho, this guy in the states when into a store to rob it at gun point... the owner panicked and in trying to hand over what the robber wanted he spilled a frying pan of hot fat on the robbers pants around his groin... the robber then went to move or whatever his pants from around his groin and accidently fired his gun shot off his willy....

Just after six minutes.

 
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midfielder

Well-Known Member
A couple met in a bar on a Friday night, they hit it off and went back to her apartment, after a hot and steamy night, the lady made the man a lovely breakfast.

After breakfast, the emotions got the better of them and they spent most of Saturday and Saturday night apart from meals. They were getting on very well.

Lying in bed on Sunday morning, they decided to go for coffee after another romp, the lady asks the man to pass her something from the top draw of her dresser… When the man opened the draw he saw a picture of another man, and asked is this a picture of your husband… she replied no…

No entirely certain, he said is this a picture of your boyfriend or a former boyfriend… she snuggled alongside him nibbled on his ear and said no silly… it’s a picture of me before the operation.
 

FFC Mariner

Well-Known Member
A couple met in a bar on a Friday night, they hit it off and went back to her apartment, after a hot and steamy night, the lady made the man a lovely breakfast.

After breakfast, the emotions got the better of them and they spent most of Saturday and Saturday night apart from meals. They were getting on very well.

Lying in bed on Sunday morning, they decided to go for coffee after another romp, the lady asks the man to pass her something from the top draw of her dresser… When the man opened the draw he saw a picture of another man, and asked is this a picture of your husband… she replied no…

No entirely certain, he said is this a picture of your boyfriend or a former boyfriend… she snuggled alongside him nibbled on his ear and said no silly… it’s a picture of me before the operation.
Night out in Bangkok then?
 

midfielder

Well-Known Member
Farmer Bob drives over to the neighbouring farm and knocks on the door

Little Johnny answers.

Hi John, is your Dad home?

No, he went into town.

Okay, is your Mum home?

No, she went with Dad.

Well, is Greg home?

No, he went with Mum and Dad. Is there anything I can help you with? I know where all Dad's tools are.

No, actually it's about your brother Greg, he got my daughter pregnant.

Well, you'll have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges 200 for the bull and 150 for the pig. I don't know what he charges for Greg.
 

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